Am I too strict or too over protective as a mother ? 5 must do's to help your child succeed in life.
Updated: Aug 14, 2021
You are a PERFECT PARENT and doing the best from your consciousness.
There is a mythological tale where Shree Krishna says, "In kaliyuga knowledge would be written on eagle's wing. I interpret as internet. It seems as if the wind is disbursing it across the world.
About parenting Shree Krishna says, "To get the calf on it's feet, she licks it until it starts walking. In kaliyuga cow would lick her calf so much that calf cannot stand on his feet."
Society has created a certain image of a good mother and set some norms related to parenting and we have also observed it in our childhood.
I don't use the terms 'good parenting' or 'bad parenting'. I call it "Unconscious Parenting".
Approach to set the boundaries must be always firm and polite.
kids don't follow what you say, they follow what you do.
FEW THINGS WE DO BEING AN UNCONSCIOUS PARENTS, THAT NEED ATTENTION :
Don't be surprised if I say that my sons also call me an overprotective mom, when i don't allow them to do certain things like driving independently.
The notion that you should protect your child is good. Protect your children in such a way that you are not fighting their battles for them.
Having even one or two children has made parents more anxious than the previous generations.
When I wrote about PARENTING RULES in the community, the first one was
POSITIVE ENERGY PARENTING .Even to grow a plant well we don't need fearful energy or negative energy, we need positive environment.
Over anxiousness comes with the fearful energy and that itself is not good for child, whether you talk or don't talk to them. If your child is over anxious or doesn't show his/her emotions, please check the energy of your overwhelming emotions. Later in life they may suffer from allergies or frequent cold and cough.
GIVING UP ON YOUR OWN LIFE
This has been the epitome of yardstick for being a good mother for so long. If the mother decides she wants to have her own identity in addition to being a mother, she is considered selfish.
Its starts when she becomes a daughter-in-law and a wife. She is judged every single second and gets praised if she sacrifices her wishes and career for the family. Until and unless we share the kitchen responsibility (because eating right is the first criteria for healthy and happy living) this burden will create a sad mother .
Taking out time for self love is not selfish. Learning new things for self development will help your children to have a conscious mother, that will make them better humans and a role model they can look up to.
FANTASY OF A PERFECT CHILD
First thing to remember is that your children are real. They are real people in the real world with real thoughts, dreams, qualities, a destiny and purpose they are born for. They have their own journey. They have to travel, learn and grow."We know best and dont want them to make the same mistake we did'', you must have heard this from many parents.
What is the fantasy about the child? They should achieve what we couldn't because of lack of money and opportunities, because we are doing so much, providing everything and so on. We are doing it all to create a perfect child in our mind . B O O M your child will show that he or she has their own way and that is not in the perfect frame of your perfect child.
DOING IN THE NAME OF LOVE
Every mother wants best for her child, but to control the child in the name of love and doing too much, will only make them vulnerable and less emotional intelligent.
When your child is a baby, it is okay to do their work for them. but once the child has developed enough strength and skill for a certain task, then mother should back off and let them do it. My one and half year old son was able to feed himself things like chapati bites, vegetables and fruits. I still remember that early in the morning, he used to bring his own potty chair, from one year of age. He has turned out to be a very independent thinker and disciplined youth man.
Only thing you must be aware of is that your child should have an unflinching feeling that
"I AM SEEN AND HEARD. I AM SAFE AND SECURE IN THE HOUSE. NO MATTER WHAT, WHETHER I FALL OR COMMIT A MISTAKE, MY PARENTS ARE ALWAYS THERE TO HOLD MY HAND."
EVEN ONE CONSCIOUS PARENT AMONGST THE TWO CAN MAKE A CHILD RESILIENT, SELF RELIANT, FEARLESS AND INTUITIVE WITH THE BEST COPING SKILLS.